You're calling yourself Cris already, aren't you? In your diary only. This will change. I know how afraid you are, but you will grow to be a much more daring person than you could've ever imagined at sixteen.
There are many things I ought to say to you, but I won't. Because everything that's happened, every choice you've ever made, will lead you to where I am, to who I am today. And that's not something I'd risk changing! Nevertheless, here are some things I will convey to you.
Keep writing your diary. It's the closest thing you've had to a friend. It's your release. It helps you practice writing. And it helps prepare you for the future in ways you can't imagine, but it will be crucial.
Don't waste time on the people you envy, the ones from school. They're not worth it. You will forget them and find higher standards to adhere to. And funnily, when you stop trying to change who you are, that's when they'll accept you and admire you. But you'll no longer care.
Don't try to make yourself like the music that's popular, the stuff in the charts. It'll be a waste of CDs you'll never listen to after the first few times. Keep reading music blogs - they'll help you grow so much. And you will manage to find most of those records, and will buy them. Don't you worry about that.
Keep buying magazines!!! You may seem hopeless to yourself, but you know you learn by absorbing. And you will. You'll even end up spending most of your money on products & make-up - I know you're laughing! Do more of that. It's good for you. And your smile's beautiful to most people! You're really very harsh on yourself. I'm afraid I've retained that. But sometimes believing in things makes them true.
Please, enjoy the weather. You will be tortured by the sun a lot in the years to come. But the memories will help more than you can imagine.
Keep taking those photographs. In the future, there will be a way to get them off your phone, and having memories imprinted will give you strength. By the way, I know your little sister's very beautiful. (For the record, she'll be even more so in the future, and you'll be so jealous of her! But you can manage.) I know the sky is wondrous. But try to take pictures of yourself every once in a while too. I know you can see your unattractiveness and it hurts, but numbing the impulse is the only thing you can do. And eventually, you'll discover that most people have much lower standards than yours and really, genuinely do consider you quite pretty. They're not lying.
Never lie to yourself. Never try to be somebody you aren't. Because eventually success will find you for being who you are.
I know you don't believe this. I know you're terribly cynical. But I also know you have hope, this undying hope and optimism that will carry you through anything. Never lose it.
Yours truly, and with love,
P.S. You're about to bleach your hair for the first time ^_^! Exciting, isn't it? Well, I do happen to know that when you go to the hairdresser's & request it, they will sneer at you and only agree to give you blonde highlights. They will look horrible on your dark hair >:-). You will cry, and your mother'll feel sorry for you and buy bleach from the supermarket, which will turn your roots blonde, and your ends ginger...Remember dyeing your hair bluish black a few months ago? Well, those hairs don't take bleach well. So for the next few months, your hair will be this funny mix of blonde, ginger and brown, but it will sort itself out eventually to a nice golden blonde, and now, in the present, you're still a blonde. It's grown to be truly you. And you rock it.
You'll end up exploring diverse make-up looks too - that's the appeal of it. But you'll never forget your first love - blue eye shadow and red lips :). Sometimes, even together. Still. Some things never change ;D.
Thanks Vonnie :).
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